Yaoi Paddles Make EVERYTHING Fun!
by SazuruKanaria
Summary: What happens when Beyond finds a yaoi paddle in the extremely innocent L's closet...leading to a That's What She Said contest. CRACK FIC, BE WARNED. THIS PROBABLY WILL NOT MAKE SENSE.


Beyond was looking through the closet as L ate a piece of cake.

"Uhh, L?" Beyond asked. "What's with the yaoi paddle?" Holding up a canoe paddle with the word "YAOI" on the flat part of the paddle, he turned to L, who had gotten up to get another piece of cake.

"I did not know that was in there," L said, but Beyond just smirked.

"I know what to do with it," Beyond said, and smacked L with the paddle.

L, wincing slightly, simply grabbed another slice of cake. "Meh, if I have cake I'm fine," he said, taking a bite out of the cake.

"What the-?" Beyond said, surprised at the lack of reaction from L. "Oh, I know what I'll do..." he mumbled, and attacked L's cake with the paddle, sending whipped cream and bread flying everywhere.

"Beyond!" L said, grabbing the paddle from Beyond and hitting him over the head with it. "You bitch!"

"L! You're getting cake in my hair...with MY yaoi paddle!" Beyond said, shaking his head to try to get the whipped cream out.

"You ruined my cake! You should be glad I'm not tying you down or anything," L said, smacking Beyond again.

"Ohh, L...I didn't know you had such kinky thoughts..." Beyond said, winking at L. While L was distracted, Beyond snatched the yaoi paddle again. "AHA! Got it!" Beyond yelled triumphantly.

"They aren't kinky if I plan on beating the crap out of you," L said, tackling Beyond to the ground.

"L, I think you've forgotten that I'm a masochist and sadist-I like pain," Beyond said, smirking the whole while.

"Beyond, I think you've forgotten that," L paused, grabbing the yaoi paddle and breaking it, a small noise coming from the back of Beyond's throat. "That you're stupid!" L finished, throwing the paddle away from them.

"No, L, actually," Beyond said, pushing L off of him. "I know I'm stupid."

"Well, then, now that THAT'S settled..." L said, pushing himself up into his usual crouch.

"Now what? Breakfast?" Beyond asked, getting up, leaving L on the floor.

L laughed slightly. "Beyond...it's nearly eight in the afternoon." Getting up, L walked towards the kitchen.

"Dessert?"

"Now, THAT I like," L said, grabbing another slice of cake, while Beyond grabbed a jar of jam.

While eating, it was silent, other than Beyond's annoying habit of saying 'nom' sometimes while he ate.

"I've ran out of cake!" L yelled suddenly, causing Beyond to almost drop his jam.

"Uhh...want some jam?" Beyond asked, knowing he had a full supply back in the fridge.

"No thanks..." L said, looking at the jam with disgust.

"But its like strawberries...without those annoying seeds!" Beyond said.

"No, it's a gooey substance," L said. "Besides, it's sticky and makes a mess"

"But it's fun to make a mess," Beyond said. "Especially without thinking about it." Beyond smirked.

"It's too much effort...plus, you'd basically be doing it all for me." L said.

"Well, then sit back and enjoy it," Beyond said.

L looked at think knife, which was a larger switch blade, dripping with jam. "Aw, Beyond, its dripping all over the place...just lick it before it drips...or suck it...or let it drip in your mouth..."

"But L, it's so big, I don't think I'd be able to fit it all into my mouth." Beyond complained.

L watched Beyond wave the knife around as he talked. "You know, you can't just stick that in random places...keep it where it belongs...who knows where it's been?"

"But it feels so nice to stick it in random places...plus, it doesn't fit in it's place half the time anyways." Beyond said.

L grabbed the knife and stuck it in his back pocket. "But it fits here so perfectly," L said. "I can't even feel it...wait...is it even there?"

"Thats because you put it in wrong," Beyond said, grabbing the knife and adjusting it. This caused L to squish a cupcake he had in his pocket, which he had forgotten about, whipped cream pushing out of a hole. "Whats that white stuff?" He asked out loud.

"Lick it up," Beyond said.

"No!" L said. "Why do I have to lick up my own white stuff?"

"Fine," Beyond sighed, leaning down and licking up the whipped cream all over L's jeans. "Now, can you do that to me?" Beyond asked, too lazy to grab the knife by himself.

"Huh? This?" L asked, shoving the opened knife down Beyond's back pocket, cutting Beyond.

"Ahh! L...Do that again," Beyond said, his masochistic side showing.

"This?" L asked, taking the knife out and then shoving it back in again.

"Ahh!" Beyond cried out from the pain, enjoying it, and hit his pocket while jerking his hand, forgetting he had also put a cupcake there and that his jeans had a hole in them similar to L's. Whipped cream squirted out from the hole.

"Is that mine?" L asked, talking about the cupcake.

"Lick it up," Beyond said.

"Ew! No way!" L said, looking away.

"Why not?" Beyond asked.

"Because it came from me and its your fault it came out and-ew!" L said.

"But I licked it up last time!" Beyond complained. "Lick it up!"

"I refuse to lick up the creamy white stuff that has been around your ass!" L complained.

"What are we gonna do with it then?" Beyond asked, not wanting white stuff all over his pants for the rest of the day.

"No, no, it'll get all crusty Beyond..." L said, looking at the white stuff on Beyond's behind.

"Then just lick it up!" Beyond demanded, grunting him frustration.

"Fine!" L yelled, and licked it up.

"Ahh, L! That tickles" Beyond said, jumping slightly.

"You told me to do it," L said, annoyed.

"Yeah but I didn't know I was sensitive there..." Beyond said, blushing slightly.

"You mean here?" L asked, poking Beyond's behind. Beyond let out a small cry and turned to L.

"Don't. Fucking. Do that!" Beyond said, grabbing L's shoulder.

L paused for a moment, then let out a laugh.

"I really wish you could see your face right now!"

Haha, crack fic! Me and Kendra roleplayed this out...^^ I have more, which is more serious, so I'll upload it once that part gets more to it. ^^ Maybe as a different story, maybe as a different chapter...depends if I feel it should be separate or not.

Hope you like!


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